Fic: Bend and Snap!
Summary: "Do you know why cheerleaders always get whoever they want and keep whoever they want?" she asked seriously. "Because you jump around and show your panties?" was Rachel's sudden answer.
Fanfiction.net link: here
Author Notes: One shot inspired by the 'Bend and Snap!' scene in 'Legally Blonde, the musical'. Mad props para andrea_sumeragi who was kind enough to give me her opinion on this fic while I was writing it.
Bend and Snap!
All that could be heard in the room was the quiet sobbing of the girl and the impatient tapping of the foot of one of the people that were with her.
Seeing Tina crying wasn't at all that weird, ever since the fiasco that turned out to be her rendition of "My funny Valentine," which was everything but funny.
Santana looked around and kept tapping the floor. It was weird seeing Brittany comforting the Asian girl, but hey! That was just who Brittany was, this nice, innocent, caring person that was now trying to get Tina to stop crying while trying to convince her to go with her to the Columbus Zoo to see her friends, the ducks.
"I don't think the zoo would help, Brit." The girl said between sobs while Brittany kept touching her shoulder while squeezing, trying to reassure the girl.
"I don't think Mike has cheated on you," she stated, "Ginny of the cheerios has tried to bed him long before he even got with you and he doesn't give her the time of day." she shrugged.
"Really?" the Asian girl hiccuped and Santana rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"Look, 'fake stutter. If Ginny 'sluttiest than Paris Hilton' can't gets yo man, I don't know why you keep crying" she said while paying special attention to her nails.
"I don't know what to do, besides things are kind of weird right now between us." answered Tina while sitting back and staring at the ceiling as if the patterns there were fascinating.
"I know what you have to do!" Brittany exclaimed excited and clapping. "Let's invite him to the zoo and the three of us go there!" Tina looked at her with a confused impression "You two take me to visit the ducks, I bet Mr. Ginger Ale and Mrs. Patella will be happy to see me!"
"I don't think that would work, Brit. But thanks anyway." answered Tina.
"After taking me to see the ducks we can always invite him for a threesome." the blonde said, Tina sighed and Santana literally palmed her face, "guys are super into me in threesomes." Brittany added as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Britts, I'll take you to visit the fucking ducks, no threesome needed." Santana interrupted before the blonde said something else.
"You could join us! Mike would love Tina if you are with us and I'd enjoy your sweet lady kisses".
"Tina?" they were interrupted by the voice of Rachel who was standing by the door, she saw the two cheerios and her fellow gleek alone in the room.
"Hi Rach," said Brittany "Do you wanna join us in the Zoo, too?"
"Ugh no Britts, Me doesn't wanna the Oompa Loompa with us, ok?" said Santana, because it's been already half an hour without saying something mean to Rachel, and because somehow the girl with her ridiculously short skirts made her mad.
"I have my schedule for today full, Brittany. But thanks for the invitation." she said while sitting next to Tina. Brittany looked disappointed.
"Hey," Rachel said softly to Tina, which for some weird reason made Santana shudder, "Jacob told me in the hallway that you had a fight with Mike and wanted to know my opinion for his blog, are you ok?" Tina looked at her.
"Yeah. Santana and Brittany helped me," she smiled and Rachel looked surprised, but smiled with her.
"So he is not cheating, right?" she asked.
"No, but we still have our issues," Tina answered while her eyes suddenly filled with tears. Rachel sat next to her, comforted her and looked at her encouraging her to speak. "I feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me".
"C'mon Asian vampire, you two are the Asian fusion, you look like Siamese twins, you are called 'Tike' by the whole school ¡Por Dios!" Santana showed her exasperation.
"It's just that... Lately we just go to dates with a chaperon," Tina justified, and Santana, Brittany and Rachel showed their surprise.
"What do you mean by 'a Chaperon'? 'A chaperon' as in, 'you are always with friends', or 'you bring your little brother', or..." said Rachel, just to be interrupted by Tina.
"As in 'he brings his mother!'" she groaned and Brittany laughed, Rachel kept her surprised expression and Santana gasped.
"You gotts to be kiddin' me!" she said.
"No," she said while tears fell once again, "It's like he is not that into me anymore."
"Look Asian Bella Swan, stop fucking crying and move your ass." Tina looked kind of confused at her "I mean it literally".
"What are you implying Santana?" asked Rachel and suddenly she looked scandalized "Are you trying to convince her to... Strip for Mike?" she gasped. Brittany produced a little whoop of joy.
"No, it's not that," Santana said, looking angry. Why did this fucking dwarf always insist that the only thing she could be good at was stripping? "Do you know why cheerleaders always get whoever they want and keep whoever they want?" she asked seriously to Tina, who was just silent.
"Because you jump around and show your panties?" was Rachel's sudden answer, which made Santana send a glare in her direction.
"YES!" almost screamed Brittany while laughing and Tina smiled with her.
"No, it's because we command and demand attention through one simple movement," Santana explained as if she was explaining something to three year olds.
"I know! I know! The bend and snap!" exclaimed Brittany clapping her hands and suddenly making herself comfortable to look to the center of the room. Santana smiled.
"Yeah, yeah, that."
"What is it?" Rachel asked, suddenly curious.
"It's a calculated move used to attract the attention of whoever you want, in my case I don't need it, I attract guys, girls, statues and even insects just by breathing." Santana smirked.
"A move?" Tina asked suddenly looking confused.
"Yes. Let me explain you," Santana said. "You walk around your prey," she said as she stood up and smiled to the girls and suddenly looked around, "You look for something that you may not need," she said while she untied her ponytail and took the hair band, "and you throw it making it look like an accident," she said doing exactly that, and doing an exaggerated expression of surprise in order to make her point, "you make sure that whoever attention you want has a nice view of your backside and BAM! You bend" she slowly started to bend, even slowly caressing her naked legs, once she was totally bent she slowly took her hair band and in a sexy movement started to go back to her initial position, but instead of just standing there she put her hands in her hips "and snap!" she added while showcasing her breasts. Santana clearly heard a gasp and claps. She turned around and smiled at her classmates expressions. Clearly Brittany was clapping, Tina looked positively mesmerized and Berry, she looked surprised and her breathing was irregular. She looked all hot and bothered and Santana smirked.
"And that, ladies, is how you gots them eating out of the palm of your hand."
"I... I..." Rachel tried to say and something in Santana felt so good about leaving her speechless.
"I'm oh so trying that," Tina said, suddenly laughing.
"Naked it's even better," Brittany sighed and Santana laughed out loud.
"That's so... so... inappropriate!" Rachel said suddenly looking annoyed, "Inappropriate and degrading for the female figure in our society!" she looked really upset, "Your... 'Convincing tactic'," Rachel air quoted and Tina snorted, "totally diminishes the effort that we, as gender, for decades have made in order to be seen as something more than just a piece of meat! Human relations are based on communication, not how you move your... Bottom." Before Santana could say something Brittany gave her two cents.
"But she moves it good." the blonde smiled. Santana looked intently at Rachel.
"Shut it, hobbit. If you insult my modus operandi once more I'll throw a blue slushie at you, making sure that you are recognized as 'Smurfette' for the rest of your life"
"Honestly, Santana. After everything we have gone through, after all the obstacles we have surpassed as a group. I would have thought that your attitude towards me would have changed by now, but now I see how misled I've been. It saddens me to see how all you seem to expect out of a relationship is the advantages of the physical aspect of it, not the deep connection that you could achieve with someone and that would lead to a meaningful and fulfilling relationship."
"Rachel can't! Rachel can't! Rachel can't make the bend and snap!" Brittany sung as if it was part of one of the routines of the cheerios. And Tina once again laughed.
"It's actually a pretty basic move, any person with the minimum of dance training, or physical activity by that matter, could execute it perfectly. However, I refuse to engage in such type of activities since one, I find it extremely outrageous for my gender and two, I seriously doubt it actually produces any positive outcome. Besides, it's preposterous to think that If anyone does such movement it would actually work. There is no chance that if I suddenly decide to do it any of you would suddenly feel attracted to me."
"Of course it wouldn't work if you do it, RuPaul. Even Jewfro has more sex appeal than you, and that's being said by someone who is a vagitarian." Santana interrupted before she would go on and on with her rant.
"Really, San? I just saw you have a little bit of bacon for breakfast," said Brittany. Tina laughed out loud while trying to explain what Santana meant and Santana rolled her eyes.
"I'm done, I wish you good luck with Mike anyway, Tina. And I hope you can resort to something that doesn't make you feel like an object in order to keep Michael, fellow glee clubbers." Once Rachel had finished her speech, she took her copybooks and stood up. Santana saw the perfect opportunity, and stretched her leg a little bit further, making the lead singer of the group stumble and drop her copybooks, Tina looked at Santana with a reproachful stare, the Latina smirked and looked at Brittany and the blonde's eyes suddenly widened and smiled.
"Rach, are you okay?" she asked innocently while standing up and approached Rachel like making sure that the trip hadn't bothered her, but then her foot slipped suddenly sending the copybooks a little bit further. Rachel sighed and looked at Santana and Brittany.
"Why do you always manage to make me like you and then do something like this?" she huffed. Tina shook her head, but suddenly looked intently at Rachel and moved her head with something that looked a lot like encouragement, and Rachel gave her an understanding look and smiled.
"What the fuck?" Santana mumbled, while Tina smiled back and Brittany looked at Rachel.
"I'm sorry, Rach," Brittany bit her lower lip looking remorseful. Rachel shrugged, but not before looking intently at Brittany and then at Santana.
"Don't worry, Brittany, just... Ugh!" she said, while looking at the copybooks next to her, she positioned looking at the door and then the whole dynamic in the room changed.
Rachel started to bend excruciatingly slowly and Santana's eyes were suddenly fixated in the toned legs in front of her. The skirt moved softly up and Santana could have sworn she had seen black underwear, she heard Brittany laugh out loud and say something like "wow" and clap again, while Tina mumbled something that sounded a lot like "get it gurl".
Santana was baffled, what the fuck was going on, she just wanted to fucking take Rachel far away where nobody else looked at her legs and she almost choked at the realization... Not only she wanted Berry! She was jealous, too!
Rachel stretched her hand to take one copybook and she could feel her skirt going up and smiled when she heard Santana groan, she moved a little bit so she could reach the other copybook.
Santana couldn't stop watching, it was like if the freaking Jew princess had some kind of magnet that made her eyes get stuck in her fine ass! And to make it all worse Berry even moved her hips while taking her copybook! THAT BITCH!
Rachel stood up and showcasing her breasts looked at her audience. Tina was trying to suppress a grin while Brittany was smiling and fanning herself, but Santana... Santana was just staring intently at her, but her body didn't lie. Santana's cheeks were flushed and Rachel noticed with a smile that Santana was completely under the effect of her 'Bend and Snap!'
"Well, I'm looking forward to see you later." Rachel smirked, turned around and started to walk, with a cadence Santana has never seen in her. Tina laughed out loud.
"Look at Rachel, never thought she had it in her!" she was blushed, too. But her laugh was contagious, because Brittany also started to laugh.
"That was super hot!" The blonde cheerio said while she kept fanning herself.
Santana stood up abruptly and mumbled something that sounded a lot like 'Fucking bend and snap!' while she left the room, which only made the two other girls laugh again.
'Sue Sylvester has nothing on me', Santana thought while she walked fast to her locker. If Sue Sylvester thought that passing a gallstone, teaching Sarah Palin, auditioning for Baywatch or seeing an elementary school production of Hair was hard, then she hadn't being in Santana's position, suddenly realizing that Rachel Berry was the hottest ass in town and that she was fucking attracted to an annoying midget! THAT'S HARD!
Santana was in her locker when she felt it. Rachel Berry had just walked by her heading to her locker. Santana tried not to look on her direction, focusing intently on rearranging the books that were in front of her. She stood there for a couple of minutes waiting for Rachel to get lost. But the curiosity was bigger and she turned slowly to see if the brunette was still by her locker, and the unexpected happened. As if she was propelled by a rocket, Rachel's music sheets were scattered on the floor, she softly turned and picked them slowly giving an incredible view to the cheerleader, and suddenly stood up. Santana groaned and could hear someone else made a cat-like sound, and Jewfro who was just a few step to her left trying to hide his crotch and running away. Rachel closed quickly her locker and as she walked by Santana she smiled and said, "Have yourself a super day".
Santana didn't say a word but her eyes followed the petite brunette intently watching the hypnotic swing of her hips. Berry would simply make this day hell on earth. Oh let's get real, at this rate Rachel Berry would make the rest of her life hell.